Happy Friday, Reader, you made it!
This week, we’re talking about starting strong in your personal statement.
Admit It: Blinking cursor syndrome is getting the best of you with this introduction.
It’s ok, you’re in good company.
(Gestures widely to 99% of applicants.)
First, let’s acknowledge the fact that we’re rarely taught how to write about ourselves in the form of a personal statement. There is so much covered in a short document, with the added pressure of a scroll-stopping opener.
But guess what? You’ve probably already written it.
I’ve been reviewing and editing personal statements since 2010. And a fascinating phenomenon happens every single year.
Someone comes to me for support. We talk through their experiences, goals, and the programs they’re most excited about. They share their statement drafts with a note that the introduction needs work. I read through their draft.
Boom. There it is, hiding in paragraph three as part of a description. Their opening line.
It’s truly one of my favorite points in the reviewing process. It’s more than “Look, here’s your opener!” It’s actually “See! You’ve had it in you all along. You can do this, you’ve done this, here’s what to do next.”
What do most of my favorite opening lines have in common?
I’m personally a big fan of a story from someone’s life experience that illustrates why they’re applying to that master’s or doctoral program. The most memorable stories and openers that I’ve read (out of thousands) are those that drop the reader into a specific scene.
This way, the reviewer can see you as a main character they want to root for. By the end of your statement, reviewers should feel compelled to help you write the next chapter by admitting you to graduate school.
Here’s an example.
Years ago I helped Sam*, who was applying to medical school. We talked through the experiences that got them to this point, including what solidified medicine was the path for them.
Their a-ha moment was during an annual winter tradition at their college involving thousands of students. Many were drunk. And some got hurt.
Sam was a resident assistant on call that night. (No one else wanted the shift because it would be absolute chaos.) When they’d usually be walking through the building, Sam was posted in the lobby handing out towels, bandaids, and giving their peers clear, caring instructions on what to do and where to go next. Instead of being overwhelmed by the horde of cold, wet, sometimes unruly traffic after quiet hours, Sam was energized to triage medical needs and manage the situation.
And that was when they decided to pursue emergency medicine.
This story was originally tucked mid-statement into a short description of their RA role, meant to highlight traits of leadership and responsibility. In actuality, it was a stunning visualization of Sam as a future physician in the emergency department.
*Name changed for privacy.
Your version of this moment is likely already written and waiting.
Here are three action steps to find it:
Action Step 1: Read your draft for scenes, not personal qualities.
(The best qualities are shown, not described.)
Copy your draft to a new document and highlight every sentence that happens at a specific time and place: a conversation, an event, a day of service. Start in the middle. These stellar openers are usually hiding in the main part of your statement, disguised as an example to describe an experience.
Skip over the sentences that describe the type of person you are (“I’ve always been driven,” “I am compassionate”). Reviewers believe scenes and skim adjectives.
If there isn’t a moment listed, still highlight the descriptions where you now have a scene in mind, and leave yourself a comment on what it was.
Action Step 2: Pick an experience that points to the program.
Not every story fits your opening lines. The one you want will answer “why this degree, and why now.”
Here’s a quick test: if a reviewer read only the scene you share, could they guess what type of program you’re applying to?
This is also a test for whether an intense or traumatic experience you’ve had belongs in your statement as proof of why you’re pursuing that field.
Action Step 3: Bring it to the top and start your statement in the middle of the action.
Make the moment your first lines and cut whatever came before it. Openers like “ever since I was young” lose the reviewer’s attention. Write two to three sentences about that scene, one sentence to connect it to why you’re applying to this program, then continue with the rest of your intro paragraph - this is usually a brief overview of what’s to come in the rest of your statement.
Important note: If you read your statement and don’t highlight any clear stories, talk this out with someone and tell them out loud why you’re applying. Record this if possible so you get the benefits of relaxed, stream-of-consciousness conversation.
Your best stories will likely pop up within a few minutes, which is exactly how they come up during my strategy sessions.
What I’m working on ✍️
So much! It’s been an energizing week. I led a third workshop for City Year - almost 350 people have registered with 160 able to attend live (everyone gets a recording).
I’ve been blown away by the feedback, too:
“This workshop prepared me for the next step of my application process by giving me a helpful timeline of events. I thrive when I am given a framework to build within. The insider tips I was given made the process feel much more human and achievable.”
I’m also finalizing a national conference proposal for 2027 that I found out about on Wednesday... it’s due at 11:59pm today 😅. Keeping my fingers crossed!
As you work on those first few lines of your statement, here are two things to keep in mind:
- The hardest part (living through that experience) is already done, all you’re doing now is moving it up.
- Your first version of the opener doesn’t have to be the final one, or even the same one across multiple statements.
You’re likely closer than you realize to wrapping up the intro paragraph.
Thanks as always for being here, make it a great weekend!
Dr. Jena
P.S. Finding your ideal opening story is one of my favorite parts of a Strategy Session. In 60 relaxed minutes, we talk through the experiences that led you to apply to graduate school, I pull out the moments that make your case, then we map out your writing plan before the deadline. (Reduced rates are available for AmeriCorps and Peace Corps members who are currently serving, with limited spots each month. Apply here.)